What I have tried to save my marriage…or sabotage it
I was the one who tried initiating a divorce. I was convinced at that time that I could never truly be happy with this person again…well almost convinced because I always had in the back of my mind the many happy times and feelings. These feelings were buried but still did exist.
The research I conducted showed me that obviously in all divorce and or separation there has to be an initiator. One of the biggest mistakes I made was not directly communicating my thoughts and feelings with my wife. What I did was begin to make indirect attempts to “fix” my wife. My wife clueless to my feelings and not receptive to my attempts to fix her. She continued living as if everything was fine. I on the other hand began to withdraw and and distance myself from her. I channeled all my energy into the kids, work, and golf. This emotional withdrawal ultimately led to an emotional affair with a co worker….I must admit I may not have been able to avoid a divorce had the emotional affair become physical, fortunately for me it didn’t. That doesn’t mean that a marriage involving a physical affair can’t be saved, more on that later.
So while now only thinking about myself and thinking about and making decisions from the me point of view instead of the we point of view. I later learned that the person I had my emotional affair can be described as a transitional person. This is a person who helps bridge the gap between your old life and a new one. Usually that person has gone through a divorce themselves and acts as kind of a role model. The main component of this person is critical. What are their desires, simply to give advice or are their motives to begin a relationship with you. This person ultimately make or break your marriage. I was able to catch myself one day afte sharing a personal story that typically I would share with my wife. I don’t know why but something just suddenly struck me that this didn’t feel right. This moment began my eye opening.
I hope you find this post helpful. Continue following and I delve into more issues that arose in my marriage and what I did save it and find happiness again. Understanding this may help couples take a braver and more open approach and take corrective action sooner, rather than later, if one or both are unhappy in their relationship. A result of early action and discussion may be that couples actually end up staying together for the long-haul.