Hi I recently wrote a little about my emotional affair I thought i’d delve into that a little more before I move on to exactly what I did to save my marriage.
Emotional affairs can wreak havoc on your marriage as well as your family. You only have a certain amount of “emotional energy.” When you are not focusing this energy on your spouse, where might it be going? Most emotional affairs and physical affairs start as benign friendships. There usually is no intention for these bonds to become anything more. Regardless, the line is thin between close friendships and emotional affairs. Furthermore, emotional affairs can also quickly lead to flirtation and sexual encounters.
If your spending a lot of your time texting, calling or emailing another person this a sure tell sign of the beginning of an emotional affair. If you have begun to share your personal issues and concerns or even positive events with another person before you share them with your wife, this is another sign. The amount of time you spend thinking about this person is another.
A major issue of mine was becoming angry with my wife for things she did or said that were not the same as my new friend. She had done nothing except be herself and I was angry about who she was not, completely my issue. I grew to understand how unfair I was being but in the present time all I could see was negativity. The grass does seem greener when you only get small doses of a person, living with someone and building a relationship is very difficult at times. Letting my mind wonder and imagine what could be with this new person is easy and the lazy way out. I once heard an expression that stuck with me… It says behind every gorgeous super model is a man that’s sick of her….a little crude but makes a good point. At times we all wonder about that “greener side” and who knows if you go for the green side you just might end up in the same place now looking for a new green side or wondering how you blew it the first time.
When these affairs do not cross the line by becoming physical, the impact can still be damaging and puts your marriage in danger. The intimacy involved in emotional affairs can frequently have a deep degree of intensity. Sometimes deeper than a sexual affair because you are more emotionally invested. These affairs are very dangerous because of this bond that is built prior.
In an earlier post I referred to the fact that a sexual or physical affair is not beyond repair and this is true, however a sexual affair that starts that way is easier to get over and move on from and make it possible to avoid divorce. If an emotional affair develops into a sexual affair the feelings and bonds that develop make much more difficult to save your marriage, BUT this still can and will happen if you change your mind set, your outlook, and learn to appreciate what you already have.Let’s hope that your spouse is as willing to continue the relations ship as your are. I hope you continue down the right path, open your eyes and really begin to see clearly.
In my next post I will discuss the program I used and the changes I made to avoid divorce. I look forward to sharing how I saved my marriage and I hope you can too.