Hi I recently wrote a little about my emotional affair I thought i’d delve into that a little more before I move on to exactly what I did to save my marriage.
Emotional affairs can wreak havoc on your marriage as well as your family. You only have a certain amount of “emotional energy.” When you are not focusing this energy on your spouse, where might it be going? Most emotional affairs and physical affairs start as benign friendships. There usually is no intention for these bonds to become anything more. Regardless, the line is thin between close friendships and emotional affairs. Furthermore, emotional affairs can also quickly lead to flirtation and sexual encounters.
If your spending a lot of your time texting, calling or emailing another person this a sure tell sign of the beginning of an emotional affair. If you have begun to share your personal issues and concerns or even positive events with another person before you share them with your wife, this is another sign. The amount of time you spend thinking about this person is another.
A major issue of mine was becoming angry with my wife for things she did or said that were not the same as my new friend. She had done nothing except be herself and I was angry about who she was not, completely my issue. I grew to understand how unfair I was being but in the present time all I could see was negativity. The grass does seem greener when you only get small doses of a person, living with someone and building a relationship is very difficult at times. Letting my mind wonder and imagine what could be with this new person is easy and the lazy way out. I once heard an expression that stuck with me… It says behind every gorgeous super model is a man that’s sick of her….a little crude but makes a good point. At times we all wonder about that “greener side” and who knows if you go for the green side you just might end up in the same place now looking for a new green side or wondering how you blew it the first time.
When these affairs do not cross the line by becoming physical, the impact can still be damaging and puts your marriage in danger. The intimacy involved in emotional affairs can frequently have a deep degree of intensity. Sometimes deeper than a sexual affair because you are more emotionally invested. These affairs are very dangerous because of this bond that is built prior.
In an earlier post I referred to the fact that a sexual or physical affair is not beyond repair and this is true, however a sexual affair that starts that way is easier to get over and move on from and make it possible to avoid divorce. If an emotional affair develops into a sexual affair the feelings and bonds that develop make much more difficult to save your marriage, BUT this still can and will happen if you change your mind set, your outlook, and learn to appreciate what you already have.Let’s hope that your spouse is as willing to continue the relations ship as your are. I hope you continue down the right path, open your eyes and really begin to see clearly.
In my next post I will discuss the program I used and the changes I made to avoid divorce. I look forward to sharing how I saved my marriage and I hope you can too.
What I have tried to save my marriage…or sabotage it
I was the one who tried initiating a divorce. I was convinced at that time that I could never truly be happy with this person again…well almost convinced because I always had in the back of my mind the many happy times and feelings. These feelings were buried but still did exist.
The research I conducted showed me that obviously in all divorce and or separation there has to be an initiator. One of the biggest mistakes I made was not directly communicating my thoughts and feelings with my wife. What I did was begin to make indirect attempts to “fix” my wife. My wife clueless to my feelings and not receptive to my attempts to fix her. She continued living as if everything was fine. I on the other hand began to withdraw and and distance myself from her. I channeled all my energy into the kids, work, and golf. This emotional withdrawal ultimately led to an emotional affair with a co worker….I must admit I may not have been able to avoid a divorce had the emotional affair become physical, fortunately for me it didn’t. That doesn’t mean that a marriage involving a physical affair can’t be saved, more on that later.
So while now only thinking about myself and thinking about and making decisions from the me point of view instead of the we point of view. I later learned that the person I had my emotional affair can be described as a transitional person. This is a person who helps bridge the gap between your old life and a new one. Usually that person has gone through a divorce themselves and acts as kind of a role model. The main component of this person is critical. What are their desires, simply to give advice or are their motives to begin a relationship with you. This person ultimately make or break your marriage. I was able to catch myself one day afte sharing a personal story that typically I would share with my wife. I don’t know why but something just suddenly struck me that this didn’t feel right. This moment began my eye opening.
I hope you find this post helpful. Continue following and I delve into more issues that arose in my marriage and what I did save it and find happiness again. Understanding this may help couples take a braver and more open approach and take corrective action sooner, rather than later, if one or both are unhappy in their relationship. A result of early action and discussion may be that couples actually end up staying together for the long-haul.
Is there really any chance to save my marriage?
Divorce is a traumatic experience for all concerned. Have you truly tried everything you could to keep your marriage together?
Do you think you are at the point of wanting a divorce? I was, how do you know if its time to throw in the towel and file?
At one time you really loved your spouse and shared many happy and joyful times together. What happened? For me the one thing that was a positive reinforcement that these feelings were still burning was looking at old pictures and reminiscing about how we felt about each other at those times.
I was determined to save my marriage and rid myself of petty issues which began determining my overall outlook on my marriage and this beautiful person that I shared so many wonderful experiences with.